what maternity leave?
and the experience that shifted my perspective
As a woman, a mother, and a pelvic floor PT, I know all too well the importance of caring for ourselves and the support we need during life’s most pivotal moments. It’s often much easier to offer advice to others than to take that same advice for ourselves. I learned this lesson in a profound way after the birth of my second son, Will, who arrived as a delightful surprise (two kids this close is a lot…I know some of you get it) when my oldest was just 17 months old.
At that time, I was in the early years of running my thriving private practice in Santa Monica. I loved my work, my clients, and the amazing women I collaborated with. But just three weeks after Will’s birth, I found myself back at the office during what I had called my “maternity leave”. I felt this immense pressure to show up, convinced that my clients needed me. When I discovered that the woman filling in for me wasn’t showing up, I felt utterly crushed. I believed I was the only one who could provide the care my beloved patients deserved.
I can still remember that chaotic season—still bleeding, body aching, emotions swirling. I was nursing Will between patients, trying to keep everything afloat, when one afternoon I found myself speeding home, desperate to feed him and make it back to the studio in time for my next client. Overwhelmed and on the edge, I got pulled over. As I sat there sobbing, the kind officer didn’t give me a ticket—instead, he offered me grace. I’ll never forget it. He gently reminded me that I was doing one of the hardest jobs in the world. He told me to be kind to myself. He was a father of four, raised by a single mom, and he spoke with experience, compassion, and perspective. His words hit me hard. In that moment, I realized I needed to care for myself too—to set boundaries, soften my expectations, and offer myself the same grace.
This isn’t just a story for sympathy; it’s a reminder of a truth we often ignore. Sometimes, we know exactly what we should be doing, but we’re just not ready to act on it. I've come to believe that these tough experiences are meant to push us toward more self-awareness and often a necessary change. After that day, I took a few more weeks away from the studio (a privileged choice I know), allowing myself the space to care for my new baby, the rest of my family, and ultimately, even my business.
Respecting my own boundaries led to others respecting me more in my practice. This journey opened the door for more honest conversations with my clients about my struggles, reminding them that even as a women's health expert, I’m not perfect. I’m striving for authenticity rather than an unattainable ideal. I’m learning to take care of myself so that I can love and support others more deeply.
This is a practice, an ongoing commitment that I consciously work on every single day. Here are a few things that have helped me along the way:
1. Journaling: This raw process allows me to be honest with myself, pouring out my feelings and experiences onto the page. It’s a dump of emotions and I always feel better afterwards. (anyone ever try morning pages)
2. Short walks: Taking brief walks throughout the day helps me ground myself in the present moment and check in with my emotional state.
3. Mindfulness: I remind myself that it’s okay to not have all the answers right away. Being present helps the clarity come when it’s ready and really helps take the pressure off.
4. Surrounding myself with authentic people: Being around those who are true to themselves helps me to be more genuine and not put on a façade. Thank you to my tribe, you know who you are.
5. Taking pauses: Pausing to answer questions thoughtfully, to make plans, or simply to soak in whatever I need at the moment has been invaluable. These moments of stillness allow me to reconnect with myself.
How You Might Support Postpartum Women
To everyone wanting to support a postpartum woman in your life—here are a few ideas to get you started. Please don’t ask, “What can I do to help?” The last thing she needs is to come up with ways for you to support her. Just show up. Just do.
Deliver a meal: Nourishment is crucial. A home-cooked meal can be a wonderful gift.
Offer to watch the baby: Give the mom a chance to take a long, much-needed shower or simply rest.
Take the other children on an adventure: If she has older kids, offer to take them out for some fun. This gives the new mom a moment to breathe and bond with the baby.
Create space for alone time: Encourage her to spend some quiet time with the baby, allowing for those precious bonding moments.
Engage in conversations unrelated to the baby: Show up for a chat that isn’t focused on parenting or birth. So often, postpartum women crave connection outside of their new bubble.
This is a reminder to reflect on your own needs and boundaries, and to be proactive in supporting the postpartum women in your life. Remember, you are not alone in this journey. Together, let’s foster a culture of support and understanding for women’s health, especially during those transformative postpartum moments.
xx,
Allison